I have been pregnant a total of 3 times from the ages of 18-20, once every year. My first one was in 2018; I was in a very toxic relationship with someone I thought I loved a lot. I moved into my grandparents' house in San Antonio and found out I was pregnant shortly after.
My ex was an addict, and I was struggling with it as well until I found out I was pregnant, I stayed clean my entire pregnancy, and that's something I still remain very proud of myself for (although I fully support those who cannot). I was working as a stripper at a few clubs around town, I wasn’t able to dance long though due to the nausea and bloating.
My ex and I were oblivious to the idea of me getting pregnant since I had struggled so hard with endometriosis and was told it would be unlikely for me to be able to have kids. My pregnancy was rough for the entire 15 weeks. I found out when I was 10/11 weeks at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, where they tried shaming me and my ex into parenting. They asked if i wanted a free ultrasound and I said yes. I still cherish that ultrasound and it has a very deep meaning to me. That fetus was a part of me, even though the timing wasn’t.
I wasn’t very healthy throughout the pregnancy, I developed gestational diabetes and had very unstable blood sugar. I made the appointment at Whole Woman Health here in SA for August 26th, 2018. My cervix was unable to handle the strain of being pregnant, and I had severe complications right before my procedure. My doctors got me thru that day and terminated the pregnancy for me. I just felt relief afterwards.
I was blessed that a friend of mine donated to cover the entire procedure, and I received help from the Lilith fund; I wouldn’t have been able to afford it without them.
My second abortion was a bit more “illegal.” I found out I was pregnant right after my ex left to study abroad, and I started my new job working with children. That pregnancy was pretty hard on my body as well, I rode the bus to work and was on my feet all day.
We made the decision together to terminate because the timing wasn’t right. We had only been together a month, and my birth control failed after taking some UTI antibiotics. While having a personal supply of Misoprostol is heavily criminalized, I was able to obtain some for myself and learn how to use it. So, days of bleeding and pain later, I was no longer pregnant.
Looking back on both of those pregnancies and relationships, I am elated not to have been tied to those people out of obligation for the rest of my life.
My abortions were freedom!
My second pregnancy was the one I struggled with the most when it came time to decide between parenting and abortion because I thought I really loved my ex. I thought that we could do it and that we would be great parents. While this might have been true, it just didn’t sit well with me, and I understand now that he wasn’t right for me.
As someone who wants to have babies with my partner now, as someone who raised a 4-year-old, and as someone who was a teacher, I LOVE KIDS.
I’ve never regretted my abortions; they made me into the bad bitch reproductive justice organizer that I am today.
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